Curse you, Phoenix Cookie Rolls!

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Why she does this to me, I do not know!
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A lovely gift from a dear friend...a golden box of Phoenix Cookie Rolls! I love Phoenix Cookie Rolls. They are all vanilla-y and coconutty and crispy and delicately crunchy.

But I also detest Phoenix Cookie Rolls and this is why.

I eat the whole box.

This is the second gigantic golden tin of Phoenix Cookie Rolls I've received from the same exact friend (culprit?). So instead of eating more than the 4 I've just inhaled (14 down, 26 to go), I will write of the cookies.

I searched the Internet and found an order form from an international food company. I can order Phoenix Cookie Rolls from:

Happy Cereals & Oil Co.

Here is the product's descriptive description:

PHOENIX COOKIE ROLLS differentiate itself from traditional cookie roll with a rectangular shape. Coconut shred and sesame is wrapped in the middle to give a unique fragrant taste.

An article from the San Francisco Chronicle (about to be shut down, but that is another story) presents non-understandable translations:

Several good reasons why advertising companies should hire anthropologists:

* The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read "Are you lactating?"

* Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux".

*An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).

* Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave", in Chinese.

* The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Ke-kou-ke-la", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "ko-kou-ko-le", translating into "happiness in the mouth.

But one favorite mis-translation is from David Sedaris' "Me Talk Pretty Someday!

He's taking a French class as he has just moved to Paris. He does try and should get credit for his bravery. Some of us don't say a word in any other country. Except maybe "Hable Ingles?"

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Regarding Easter, Sedaris' French teacher asks, " 'And who brings the chocolate?' 'I knew the word...' Sedaris recounts,'...so I raised my hand, saying, 'The rabbit of Easter. He bring the chocolate.' 'A rabbit?' The teacher, assuming I'd used the wrong word, positioned her index fingers on hop of her head, wriggling them as though they were ears. 'You mean a rabbit rabbit?' 'Well, sure,' I said. 'He come in the night when one sleep on a bed. With a hand he have a basket and food.' The teacher sighed and shook her head... 'Here in France the chocolate is brought by a big bell that flies in from Rome!!' "

He also tries to explain the passion of Christ, but ends up with something like...There is a little guy on a morsel of wood.

Well, we all try.

I think the Phoenix Cookies may indeed be a little oily, considering they come from the Happy Cereal and Oil Co., thus extra fattening and artery clogging but we'll forgive those as we'd like those to forgive us. An Easter concept we all could work on. We can laugh at mistranslations, or we can wonder solemnly what we have just said to the pastry lady in Florence, because, well, you see, I felt very confident remembering to ask, "Hable Ingles?" "No." the lady said. No? That ended that conversation. I resorted to pointing and holding out various coins to complete the transaction.

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And don't forget the guy at the mom and pop Quik Mart.
"Would you like this in small bag to make yourself more happier?"

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Why yes, I believe I would, thank you.

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