Beet Red Face

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Weeding
can be more hazardous
than you realize.
Countless times I have weeded
too long in the heat, then
staggered inside,
been forced to sit
in a cool bathtub
for half an hour, then
take a nap cuz I'm exhausted
from heat exhaustion!

The beautifully weeded flower beds
are almost not worth it,
for the suffering.
(drama queen here)
............................................
That's not even including
lack of gloves, hat, and sunscreen.
Dangerous activity!
.................................
Sometimes I go riding.
It's the main exercise I get besides weeding.
Both of these activities can contribute
to a condition known as:
"beet red face".



It's worse
on hot days.
Even overly warm days.
Somehow,
it doesn't seem to occur
on cool days.
Or cold days.
...........................
Symptoms:
HOT!
man, I get hot!
dizzy
thirsty
shaky
.........................
The fact of the matter is
when I'm dealing with
"beet red face"
I feel crummy.
Sick, hot, and fainty.
No fun.
..................................

Solutions:
HYDRATE!
Ahead of time,
far ahead of time.

















..........................
Fill up with water
Cuz you're gonna sweat out a few liters!
(allen exaggeration)
Now, don't get over eager.
Don't over hydrate.
You might barf.
Or need to pee so often,
you can't get through the repetitions.
(bend, weed, bend pull,
sit tall, trot, hang on, canter!)
........................................
Keep up your electrolytes
Gatorade
(yuck!)

Even if Gatorade bugs you,
(yuck)
it's an easy way to help hydration,
thus avoiding "beet red face".
.............................
I don't feel like explaining electrolyte loss in athletics.
(is weeding a sport?)
Nor the following controversies:

*No bottled water in the dugout.
Only gatorade,
cuz Gatorade sponsors professional sports!
No bottled water allowed, no way!
(oooh, water, the natural thirst quencher,
big time competition for corporate name brands, oh my!)

*discarded bottles
check out a bottle manufacturer's inventory,
or don't cuz it's too depressing,
just stop buying bottled water for God's sake!
...................................................................
Wear a wet neck cloth
The evaporation has a cooling affect.
Drape it over the back of the neck,
over the jugglar veins.
(eeeww)
where hot blood cools
as it circulates 'round
and 'round the circulatory system.
...........................







............................
The evaporation occurs more slowly with
REI's special water sopping crystals
that expand like a soggy newspaper.
Maybe more effective than an old bandanna.
...................................
Wear a helmet
White to reflect the sun!

........................
with lots of vents to cool the old noggin'
and a visor to keep sun off my face.
..............................
Not to mention safety!
A bashed head might trump a "beet red face".
.......................
In case of MEDICAL EMERGENCY:
Hose down the whole body
including the "beet red face",
then pack ice around armpits,
lower back, back of knees, crotch,
behind ears, neck.
.....................
O.K.
Enough with the drama!
"Beet red face" doesn't usually require an ambulance.
Sometimes a squishy, sweetish granola bar, a banana
and another bottle of Gatorade after the workout
(yuck)
will get me on the way to recovery.
...................................
Gosh, exercise is a pain in the neck.
(hah!)











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