~~~~~~ Dog Shows ~~~~ or ~~~ Not more bassets!

BEST BASSET in SHOW

The Big Dog Shows on t.v. are only the final show of the season. In order to get there, dogs must first place in their local shows by breed.

Let's all go to a best of breed Basset show:

Let's take your little basset to wander among
tip~top Basset Hounds from the Scent Hound group!
Let's take your silly little amateur basset,

the pet with lousy conformation;

catywompous, non-symmetrical ribcage,

crooked teeth, and teeny bitty scars on an ear and back.

She must have been the lowly zeta dog, not the alpha dog,

we assume her litter mates chewed on her.

Minor imperfections,

but poor conformation nonetheless!


Take her on a leash.
Look proud, even as she pulls, snuffling like a sailor,

wheezing meaningfully towards the grassy basset toilet.
Rubbing and rolling in it and the stray bit of bird poop will do.
Now you're dealing with a silly little sullied basset!

Attempt to look nonplussed

even as she dashes towards the entrants,

rolling on her back submissively,

peeing a little to ensure acceptance by the well bred.
Be brave, the worst is yet to come.
Visit the tent to view the show ring.
See tuxedoed judges.

See bassets and owners running

with great flopping leaps around the ring.
Drag a wimpy, whining dog away from the massive,

proud winners who loose their cool at the wriggling ridiculous lap basset.
The celebrities perk up at the antics.
She slobbers excitedly...and splatters over the contestants

with a good head shake.
Ick!

Slobbering on the beautiful, impeccable
basset snoods.


Snoods to avoid the spittle for heaven's sake and here you are,

adding to the horror of the competitive scene!
Basset drooling on bassets!
Even worse is the slimy drip dangling

across the little snout of the instigator.
Gross!

All this with upper crust, canine onlookers,

waiting patiently for their chance at

BEST of BREED.
Gentle dreams, floating in their silly domes.


Dreams of BEST of SHOW at the Crufts International Competition, down the road.