July 28, 2013

I'm a crier.

I wear my emotions on my sleeve and can cry easily, even if someone else is sad.

Movies? Need kleenex.
Grief? I'm a wreck.
Grieved for my basset for months and months. (still do, really).

Didn't want to go to church today.
Church is one of the easiest places to cry, for me.

My youngest cousin died.
We played like sisters growing up.

I knew I'd start crying at church, and I don't like to cry in front of people.

The phone is semi-ok for crying.
Talking about the grief a bit and sniffling is ok.

Don't tell me, with too much sad emotion, "Ooooh, poor thing."
I'll just cry.

Tears run down my face.
My nose drips.
My face swells,
gets puffy and red.

Sometimes big, sobbing hiccups of loud, crying-out crying.

We were late to the service, to forestall the tears,
but didn't help much, didn't keep the tears back for long.
I usually leave.
I decided to stay. I refused to leave.
Church is a very fine place to cry.

Church takes so long when you're crying and trying not to.

I kept crying afterwards.
People talked to me, that helps sometimes.
Told me they loved me even if I didn't know them.
They're there for me.
I even laughed.
Figured out that 1/2 of it is about my lost childhood.
Maybe 7/8ths.

I had a good long break.
Even did some sewing for the quilt I'm making.

But then it starts.
Slowly my throat became swollen.
You know those tears that run down even if you're not actually crying?
Well, they wouldn't stop.

Then the sobbing.
Thank you God, for T.
Thank you so much.

It was taking up my whole week, this crying.
I was exhausted. I was sick.
I was tired of it.

So I searched Google and found
2,000 sites for those holding in their grief, those who were frozen.
Those who improperly were quiet and stalwart.
"Don't hold your tears in!
They're natural!
They help you, they help you heal!"

Kept looking and finally found:


Complete with illustrations.
Image:Stop Yourself from Crying Step 26.jpg

* What awesome suggestions:
* Hold your breath and puff out your cheeks.
* Drink or eat something cold.
* Yawn.
* Lie on the lawn and look at the sky.
Finally something to fill my need.

I'm good at grieving.
I could be a professional mourner...I'm serious!

Thank you, God, for the internet.

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