BEARS

POLAR BEARS

Do you know what they say about Polar Bears?
Neither do I.
But some POLAR BEAR SCHOLARS do.
So watch out for errors in your fact finding.

Polar Bears are Big and Scary.
Scary cuz they're like Huge Carnivore Machines.
Looking for prey of which YOU yourself could become
if stranded on ICE in the ARCTIC
( you thought it was spelled artic, didn't you?)
[Remember back when they taught spelling?]
which sits on top of the WORLD
unless you are on a planet below the earth facing the other direction,
looking UP at our EARTH,
then the Arctic would be on the bottom of the world.
[Remember back when they taught geography and the solar system?]

Some kids did SCIENCE REPORTS on the SOLAR SYSTEM.
They made little plaster or paper mache planets
with fishing line dangling and tangling
(remember when they taught about dangling participals)
from bent coat hangers, painted with tempera
and neatly labeled after many, many tries on Mom's typewriter, because the backspace only worked so well.
{Remember back when they taught cursive?}
((Remember when they taught grammar?))
But I digress.

Polar Bears are our FRIENDS!!!,
no need to live in terror that they may be,
right now, as we speak, making their way south
(north if you're on an upside down planet)
down to our part of the hemisphere
onto our latitude (longditude?)
whereapon they will need to eat seals
of which only a few migrate confusedly up our river now and again
(read slough ((not "sluff"> "slooo" !)
[remember when they taught pronunciation]
and thereby they (the bears) will need more nutrition
and when the many dogs and cats run out,
you know what's gonna happen, dontyou?!!
{{Remember when they marked off for runnnnonn sentences?]]
Well, you can guess, I guess.

"POLAR BEAR EATS LOCAL TEACHER",
the the newspaper will exclaim!
{{teacher will not approve of
inanimate newspapers exclaiming animatedly,
or at least not in the pre-afore mentioned headline, c
uz the exclamatory thing (((a newspaper)))
cannot really talk, nor speak with feeling!}}
))((Remember when they taught punctuation?))((
[[[Remember when they taught about brackets within brackets,
which reminds me of my forays in high school
and in teaching anxious middle school math students
the tricky P.E.N.B.R.Y. mmumonic
i.e. the method
of remembering the order of solving a trickster problem like:
2
2b(2x3)[12(ab+b=0) -6]

which goes something like this:

1. do problem in the parenthesis
2. complete the compound fracture in squaring the elements
using a trick 'now or later?' exponent.
3. Finish what you were doing when you noticed the brackets.
4. Check for adding and subtracting
and see if you did that step before you checked out of the bracket thingy .
5. Multiply results
6. Ask teacher for help
(forget about leafing through the textbook!!! Trust me!!)
7. Whine loudly when teacher's aide says to ask the Math teacher,
or the Head of the MATH DEPARTMENT.
8. Go home and dig in the dirt with a stick.
{{{Once I had a college math professor announce,
"I don't believe all that crap about math anxiety (sneering)
so if you're a sissy, find another class!"
upon which moment I sneaked (snuck?) out
during a seating rearrangement moment}}}]]]))))
((((I'm getting lost, I hope you are not!)))))))))

But About Polar Bears:

They are big,

They are powerful and playful.

*

THE END

(Remember when we learned about essays?

*Introduction to the essay
*Body of the essay
*Conclusion to the essay

Who cares.)