Federally Mandated STAR Testing

...

The joys of testing small children.
To see how they do.

If they do well?
The teacher is golden.

If they don't?
The teacher is rotten.

No matter that some cannot read or write.
No matter that some are disabled.

Just get the numbers up.
That's all you can do.

And feed them snacks.
Explain the schedule.
Open the booklet.
Read directions.
Remind them to fill in the bubble completely.
Remind them to stop at the stop sign on page #__ and DO NOT continue past that page, whatever you do!

Wiggling, bored and frustrated they sit.
Coloring bubbles and hoping for the correct answer.
Because sometimes hope is all they've got.

Some are finished in record time with an attitude of relief.
Who cares about right answers.
Just get it over with, at any cost.

But wait!
There is an hour and a half to kill until the designated testing period is done.
And some are still testing.
So no talking, no whispering allowed.
So shhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

...
"Shhhh, no talking, no whispering.", I whisper. "People are still testing."
...
Then, either a nod of aggrement or a muttered argument, "But nobody's testing!"
...
"Yes, one person is still testing with the teacher."
...
"Humphf!"

Hushed arguments are funny. The same grimacing mouths, yapping as with a normal argument, but no sound, except a stststtssssing.

My lovely job at this point is to dash around the room ever so quietly, distracting this one with watercolors, this one with their turn on the computer (one waiting and whining, "I want a turn!!"), this one with crayons, pens, books, paper, anything I can come up with. As another child finishes, the restlessness builds and whispered epithets increase in volume. Discipline is met with more ssttttsst's and this teacher's aide is losing patience.

But you can't stamp your foot and speak up, "GO SIT DOWN at YOUR DESK, NOW!", because the defiant fussing will be too loud as would your voice.

Tomorrow we'll try stencils and colored pencils and oh please oh please God, let there be peace oh, please oh, please.

And quiet, too.
Quiet would be fine.

...