Do You Think of Me?

Do you think of me?

I'm alone in my tower, my box, alone and alone. 

The garden keeps me several steps out of the box house. 
I'm told it counts.

Work hard, sweat, dig, clip, pull, water, plant, pat black dirt.

Plant, pinch, snap, yank, cut, chop, break.

Gaze, wonder, hope, peruse, plan.

Strip leaves from branches. 
Plant, push, grab.

Cry, sigh, sob, yell, scream, stomp!

And plant.

Finally,
water.

Yesterday looking outside the window while painting.

Lost in Painting

Thus I can run faster

than a plant

can blow in the wind.

With paint.

Sleep Until

My most dear desire
to sleep to the end.
Nap, but not wake,
til the end.
I'm disappointed that I can't sleep.
Would rather not get up until this is all over.
But eyes open. And I try
to think about something,
something to catch my energy,
energy enough to do something while awake.
Everything I think of is not worth waking up.
Except ice cream, so I'm gaining weight.

tiny girls

We didn't know each other then, but we would. Our fathers were best friends and we followed. Photos of tiny girls in feet sleepy suits smiling up at the grown ups at her house. At nursery school with hair up in rubber bands like whales spouting. How I loved painting on a big easel with thick poster paint making fat brush swirls and sweeping long lines. Then kindergarten when she wore European seeming tights to stay warm when we other girls froze in high dresses and low socks folded over tucked into red leather shoes. Best friends. She skipped my difficult, college prep high school but came and stayed 2nd year to graduation. She was very smart, as you had to be to succeed at our school. I always was a little awed. And off she went to one of the "Sister"'s school in the East. I struggled with mental health and assumed was a failure at The "prestigious" art college. They truly falling apart, I began again at the local JC, doing very well in art and child development. Then marriage and children. Loved it, but again mental health dogged me, and by turn
the relations. Now, children in their 40's. She visits telling me she wasn't smart. Explaining bluntly, regaling how God was ruthless, I wasn't smart, children at my church needed chastising, crazy people were sane. I didn't notice her craziness til she left, having taken advantage of my hospitality, not courteously seeing about me. Left me a $10 tip.

Lets Get a Tree Anyway

Too old and alone for a tree, but a little girl needs one.
Even for one night.

The trek is the thing.
Through the alpine doors.
Santa on the left, trees with flocking and ornaments for sale on the right.

Saw in hand, Pa heads after the waving curls and flapping coat.
The best tree is as far as we can go of course,
by the white horses cropping in the next door field.

On the way home, an emu trots along along the road with us.
It high steps back with us as we reverse to see.

Shake out the dead needles. Cut off the too long trunk.
Make it sturdy in the homemade thick iron welded holder.
Throw on the lights. One string smacks the floor and goes out.

The helper thrills to all of this. Just a few ornaments.
And we're done.

Time for playing around arranging the nativity guys.

sick of

sick of being sick of being sick.

cold
shivery
achy
depressed
alone

Sermon on the Mount

Jesus spoke to  his disciples, amazing, radical words,
but the crowd followed and listened too.
I read and studied and still am struggling with the mystery of it.

Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. 

His disciples came to him,  and he began to teach them.

The Beatitudes

He said:

 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. 
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

new neighbors and birds' eggs

two new houses in a formerly empty flat field
bring two new neighbors, also another next door
fewer titmouse, finches, towhees, European doves, quail at the feeders
quail rushing from orchard pruned-piles to rock rose hedge to lane
a sparrow's nest in yellow climbing rose
blue jay diving into rose, the quail's  rock rose
three foot gopher snake slides from prune-pile branches to rock rose
ravens search from the sky with excellent vision
vultures wait patiently
heartbreak in Spring

Means something to me

Langston Hughes  

Dreams

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

 

Glasses

My glasses are so important that when I twist them while reading in bed, head on pillow, or when I bump my head on the refrigerator door and they bend or when my riding helmet squashes them crooked and I can't see clearly cuz the progressive lenses are askew, I must hightail it to Optical to get some straightening.

Right Away.
I do not like not being able to see clearly.
Blurriness is my bane.